Some questions dont need to be answered. It started with a request by corporate to check out a potential investment opportunity in the Phadak Sphere on a planet called Psychosis. I thought I'd have a chance to throw my weight around since I'm now considered to be manager, but that turned out about as well as you'd expect, what with the cat beard and all.
We first met one of the counselors who immediately brought us to what seemed to be a man made by a committee that's only goal was to make a racist caricature by the name of Fredrik Castoni. Just a feeling I've got though, he had a weird accent that I've never heard. After I asserted dominance by threatening to pull the investment, this seemed to work quite well but he seemed to be hiding something. I wish it had stayed hidden…
We were then taken on a tour of what we were told was a summer camp, which we all assumed that meant we'd have to deal with children, but to our collective surprise none were apparent the whole trip. We eventually ran across a suspicous bearded fisherman named fisherman Dave whom I tried to help fish with my thai world trident. But he only expressed annoyance and dissappointment, which seemed like something I was used to from him even though we had never met.
Eventually we met a strange she-wolf dwarf and an elf named Kasandra and Tamara respectively. Even though I'd never met this dwarf she seemed strangely familiar, dare I say disturbingly familiar. Our interaction was as brief and as awkward as you'd imagine though and our ADD addled party went on to the next shiny interaction. We toured the rest of the camp with notable highlights such as the cafeteria, death cliff, and alchoholic's cabin.
We eventually tuckered ourselves out, as a result of a days worth of half retarded banter with this planets denizens. While the party slept I used my hat of disguise to assume the form of that strange she-wolf that we had encountered earlier. We bonded through howls. Thats super wierd to say out loud… Eventually I fell asleep and had one of the more moderately scary dreams that I had where Lee Ann told me that I didnt have to do it. I wasn't sure what it was, but I had a feeling deep down that I deserved whatever it was.
The next day some suicide shenanigans ensued, and I may or may not have reflexively axed someone in the face. Thats not important though, things started getting fuzzy after that but the jist of it was that Fisherman Dave is my dad and he isn't particulary thrilled about it. Honestly neither am I but who gets to pick their parents am I right? I also found out that Kasandra is my sister, which I'm okay with. We seem to be a mammal themed family which may or may not explain the cat beard. Thats unconfirmed though…
While going through these revelations we kept hearing about some sort of Master fellow. While the general consensus amongst my family and the general populace was that this was a bad idea, we in true Green Bottle Trading Company tradition decided to do it anyways. And thus we ventured to a cave in which if you believe it or not things got wierder.
Upon arriving at the caves we finally did something that we were at least somewhat competant at and fought monsters. Thank god they didn't turn out to be related to me because they were gelatinous and stalagtitey. Unless they were. In which case we also killed my family. Eventually we defeated said maybe family and proceeded on to a small house in the cave. This is where we discovered the true purpose of the summer camp,
Inside we met the most polite Illithid that Ive ever met, named Srom. Apparently hes some kind of Commie panzy because he decided to go all Illithid vegan and shit. Which basically means if something screams in and understandable language he won't eat it. So after he revealed that he was the Illithid version of Zoloft on this planet and he was the being preventing mass suicide we decided to provide him with animals to satiate his hunger. This would prevent further sepuku and also make sure that our Suicide Prevention Summer Camp Tm could stay in business.
Honestly Im confused as shit. Apparently I have a family that needs to be prevented from killing themselves, and I also seem to have previously display this tendency. But I have no recollection of why I was dropped as a child on Thai World, and Im pretty sure my real dad doesnt love me. But that depressingly enough is the only thing that has made sense this entire expidition. whatever, maybe Ill find some real answers maybe I wont. It would probably be best if I didn't though…
Dictated To And Translated By Reginald The Caveman, Log by Smookle Hork